Writing 101 asked me to celebrate three that are significant to me. Here they are:
“I’m all over my heart’s desire[…]Come in, come out tonight[…]”, sang Liam Gallagher. His powerful voice urged me to do something. To get all the strength I have inside of me to stand upon and shout. I must be heard.
But who is to hear?
At first, I thought society did. Society needed to understand and accept me. Society needed to abandon its sins and open up itself to embrace all kinds of people, I thought and still think. However, I found it wasn’t them the ones to hear first. It wasn’t my family, my friends.
It was me.
“[…] come out tonight […]”
I needed to hear my voice. I needed to get to know it, to admire its soundwaves. I was the one who had been covering ears, burying my soul inside so no one could see it. I was the one who was ashamed.
The Shock of the Lightning gave me the strength to see myself for who I am.
“No, we won’t let them take control”, sings Chris Martin.
Finding oneself is always hard, I believe. It means we need to form an identity, we need to know who we are and where we are in the world. And when we discover that these identities may be a reason for people to hate us, the process gets even harder.
Because we kind of think that, in the end, it’ll be us versus them.
Many times I came across people who didn’t like me. Some were jealous of me, some didn’t like me because of my skin color, others thought I was weird because I couldn’t quite fit into the model. Many times I got embarassed and ashamed of myself mainly for the treatment I received. I felt uncomfortable very easily, most of my “friends” did not care.
Even though all of this happened, I never lost faith in humanity. There were people who did help me, who believed in me, they were few, yes, but they did it from the bottom of their hearts.
“[…] When you use your heart as a weapon, it hurts like heaven […]”
Hurts Like Heaven taught me that we can not let negativity and fear lead the way. We have to do it ourselves, in our own way, and with the help of our real friends.
“There’s a rhythm in rush these days […] leaves you empty with nothing but dreams […]”, sings Jose Gonzalez.
I remember the night I went to the movies to watch “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”. It was cold, I had many layers of clothes on me. Wind blew hard on my face, but I didn’t give up. I needed to watch that movie.
From what I’d seen on the trailer, I knem Walter Mitty daydreamed. A lot. And I have to confess here that I do too. I went to the movie theater to see what he’d done about it, because it used to happen so often that it bothered me. A lot.
I wanted to know why I pictured myself doing theses corageous, admiring things. I wanted to know why I spent so much time involuntarily doing it. I wanted it to stop.
So I went there, I watched the movie by myself. I heard the song there, and many times later. They made me realize that I had so much inside of me that I didn’t or couldn’t let out. It was finally time to shout out to the world, ’cause you know, times passes us by rapidly. We’ve got to make the most of our time here on this planet.
I decided to transform myself into the person I really am, or want to be. After months of thinking, I got my head shaved off, leaving years of an appearance that didn’t make me happy. And, I started this blog.
Stay Alive made me want to feel alive, at last.